I'm no longer swimming toward pie!

So, I haven't had much here on the blog in quite a while.  Nothing relevant or juicy, anyway. A calendar here or there (which I've decided to discontinue, by the way).  A lot of you have noticed the uncharacteristic quietness.  Part of me appreciates the kind notes you send.  Other times, I don't want to be reminded of the past.  I'm not exactly sure what's going on in my head.  I feel like I'm kind of over talking about "my journey" all the time.  For a while, it was therapeutic.  I even talked about it for a living as a Weight Watchers leader!  I made videos.  I blogged religiously for years.  Here's what some of you didn't know, I had a web site from the first day I started my journey way back when nobody else had a web site.  I have been talking about this for years!  For someone who was clearly born to talk, I feel all talked out.  Since this blog really is all about me, I don't want to chitter chatter about something just to have a blog post published. I want the posts to have meaning.  For months now, I've been searching for something to blog about that helped explain where I'm at with this strange new chapter in life.  Who knew the spark I needed would come to me via late night television?

Kent and I were watching Conan a few nights ago, and one of our favorite comedians, Patton Oswalt, was a guest on the show.  I knew I liked this guy.  His stand up routines crack me up.  He has a bit he does about '80s rock videos stating they all look like they're being filmed in a "spark factory"!  So true.  Remember all of the big hair, tight pants....and tons of SPARKS that seem to come from no where?  lol  Anyway, this interview where he speaks of his weight loss journey sent me to a new level of ultimate like for the guy.

"If Kevin James or Paul Giamatti drop weight, I'm done.  

I don't want to be the last Pudge out there!"

"But damn it, I'm gonna go swimming.  I lost 1.2 pounds this week.  So I get there, and there's pie...."

Bahhhhhhh!  I'm not sure if it's so hilarious to me because....

1. I could so totally relate to the "I'm swimming toward pie!" story.  How many times have we ALL done something like that?  Crazy, but we have all done it to some degree.  Don't get me started on how I used to go to ______ (fill in the blank with any of the fast food restaurant names in the Salem, Oregon area), pay with cash (no paper trail), eat in my car - IN THE PARKING LOT - so nobody would see me, then toss the wrappers & cash receipt before leaving.  Nobody knows, right?  I honestly had no clue that everyone could see it.  They could see my weight climbing, my health declining, and my sense of worth no longer existing.  
2. Oh, or maybe it's because I heard so many similar stories over the years working as a leader for Weight Watchers!  I've heard it ALL and then some.
3. Perhaps the "not being able to have a dance party with my kid because I was too fat & out of shape" scenario hit a little too close to home.  I spent many, many years of my life, even before I had kids, overweight and out of shape.  My weight was not baby weight, folks.  It was years & years & years worth of eaten emotions showing up in the form of pounds.  It was exhausting to be me!  I needed to lean up against a wall to catch my breath when I hauled laundry upstairs.  I literally sat & watched other people being active because I was too out of shape to join them, too embarrassed to do anything about it, and too ashamed/scared to admit I needed help.  To be honest, I didn't even know where to start!  I cannot imagine going back to that phase of life again.  

For me, that's what was so comforting about Weight Watchers in the first place.  Knowing I wasn't alone was a huge plus. My entire life, I thought I was the only one.  The.  Only.  One.  Totally alone.  Nobody else could possibly understand why I ate.  I myself didn't understand it at the time.  The crazy ass stories you hear in the weekly meetings (or on the message boards & web sites if you're an online member) are a crucial part of the healing phase.  Self realization.  Recognizing destructive behavior patterns.  Patton is so right about the meetings, though.  Super helpful & informative, especially when you're first starting out.  However, the stories are simply not nearly as interesting as those "I T-boned a bus" blurbs from AA meetings! I mean, come on.  What weight watchin' story can compete with that?

With that being said, I hope Patton finds his path.  I hope everyone out there trying to improve their health does.  I hope that, like me, you are able to look up one of these days & realize you're no longer swimming toward pie!  In the mean time, I'll be talking about other things here.  Stuff that's more relevant to what I'm doing now instead of what I did back then.  I don't really give a hoot about Weight Watchers.  It was simply the tip of the iceberg for me.  Counting Points started a chain reaction of better health.  Simple...yet effective.  However, I no longer wish to talk about it.  Things I care about these days?  There are so many, I'm not sure where to start.  I'll give it a shot.  

• I care about living the healthiest life I can live.  Period.
• I care to not get wrapped up in what others are doing (especially if what they're doing does not support the things I care about).
• I care to not let energy vampires suck the life out of me (which leads to stress, stress eating, emotional damage, etc).
• I also care about keeping them away from my veins once I realize what they're up to (which leads to a power shift, empowerment, self worth). 
• I care about continuing to journal my food intake because it helps me stay focused, properly fueled for the amount of activity I'm hammering out, and thoughtful with food choices over a period of time. 
• I care about becoming a super fit individual.  
• I care waaaaay too much about running, and talk about it almost daily on my running blog, www.WillRunForCoffee.com!  
• I care about anything and everything gluten free/Celiac related.
• I care about fueling my body with foods that will help me be & stay active.
• I care about facing my demons instead of hiding from them like I used to.  
• I care about learning to forgive those who triggered my "fattitude" in the first place.  
• I also care about getting those negative people out of my life once they've been forgiven.  
• I care about being a healthy, active role model for my kids. 
• I care about creating dinner menu, after all these years, because it makes family life flow, the budget stay on track, and evenings calm. 
• I care about routine, being organized, sewing, cooking, sleeping, resting, walking, exercise classes, running races, decorating my home, becoming stronger (in more ways than one), letting my friends know they are appreciated & loved, etc.
• I care about keeping my husband healthy so we can spend as much time on earth together as humanly possible.  
• I care so much more about "treating my body as a temple" than ever before.  I get it now!
• I care about setting new goals.  
• I care about reaching those goals - no matter how many tries it takes or who tries to hold me back.
• I care about me, and that's something I sure as hell wouldn't have said 11+ years ago!  

I simply need to figure out a way to talk about all of these cares here in Blog World. Be patient.  I'll figure it out.  Moving forward. 

If the embedded video isn't working, here's a direct link:
http://teamcoco.com/video/patton-oswalt-thinks-disney-is-corrupting-the-youth